Hi, I’m Stellar, and welcome to Stellar in Neverland, where I suck at keeping promises! Last week I promised I would either write “another Stellar Adventures of Catalina in Neverland or another new series I just came up with”, and surprise! This post is neither of those! This isn’t the first time I’ve done something like this, which leads me to think that honestly I should stop revealing what my next post will be at the end of every post. Half the time it ends up being something completely different. So what am I doing for this week? Roasting my middle school poetry collection! I’m not a huge fan of poetry, honestly. It bores me and a lot of the time I find it pretentious. However, in my sixth grade English class, I was assigned to write a collection of poems. I have most of my assignments from middle school onward saved in my Google Drive, so I look at them late at night from time to time. A few nights ago I decided to read my poetry collection and I realized just how horrible the poems were. For this post, I’m going to be looking at each poem, doing commentary, and laughing at how crap of a writer I used to be. The poems are in a different font and color than the rest of the post, so that’s how you can tell what is the poem and what is my commentary.
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| Irrelevant Catalina picture, sorry. I just didn't have time to make a fancy one! |
(Side note: A few of the poems contain personal details like my name, hometown, etc. I will be changing these for this post.)
Snowing
OK, so I don’t remember what the name for this style of poem is, but it’s where you start by writing a sentence and keep repeating that sentence but adding more detail to it. Honestly, I think this style is stupid. It’s important to have detail in your writing, but if you add too much, it just ends up sounding too try-hard and pretentious. This type of poem is guaranteed to piss me off.
It is snowing outside.
Snow is falling from the sky.
White powder is falling down on the ground.
I find it funny how writing “white powder” is supposed to be “more detailed” but if anything, it’s less descriptive. When you say “snow”, it’s clear what you’re talking about. “White powder” could be anything. Baking powder, powdered sugar, cocaine. From the looks of it, Sixth-Grade Stellar wrote a poem all about cocaine. Yippee.
White powder is dropping on the ground, making the ground look white.
That is a really clunkily written line.
The white, frosty fluff makes the ground look ivory.
White and ivory are two different colors. White is completely white, ivory has a hint of tan to it (I think?). If something is white, its presence does not make the ground look ivory. It makes the ground look white.
The white, frosty, cold fluff is pounding on the sidewalk, making it look ivory.
The milk-white, frosty, frigid fluff is pounding the sidewalk, which is an ivory mountain.
This poem is annoyingly repetitive.
The milk-white, frosty, frigid fluff is pounding the sidewalk, which is an ivory Everest.
Children are coming out of their homes to play in the snow-white Mount Everest.
OH MY GOD WHERE DO CHILDREN COME INTO THIS. So yeah, this is a sloppily written poem, but it’s not the worst one in here, believe it or not! There’s a lot worse yet to come.
Sneaky Poem
What is a sneaky poem, you might ask? It’s actually pretty similar to the last type of poem. It’s where you provide stupid details and be “sneaky” so the reader has to guess what you’re talking about. Kill me.
Mountain of frosting,
Sponge-y and irresistible,
The word “spongey” is kinda gross. Also not a word.
Chomping and devouring its deliciousness
Likewise with “chomping”.
Making people’s days a little bit sweeter
Cupcakes
This one is pretty short and mindless, plus it has some dumb word choices, but it’s still probably the best-written poem here, if I’m being honest. At least it’s upfront in its stupidity instead of being fake-deep.
LIGHTNING
This one’s a haiku. Which is cool. Haikus are dope. It’s not a particularly good one, but hey! It’s something interesting!
Vivid lightning strikes
Electrifying the sky
Boom! Boom! Crash! Crack! Pow!
I don’t have much to say for this one other than what I said before. It’s a 6/10 haiku. Although it does feel like cheating to just put onomatopoeia for the final line instead of actual words.
I Come From…
Pretty sure this type of poem is called a quatrain. We were required to write one quatrain, and our teacher gave us a prompt for writing one called “I Come From”. This is where you basically reminisce about your childhood.
I come from (Neverland) and playing with dolls,
I’m not actually from Neverland, obviously. The original version of the poem had my actual hometown, but I changed it for safety purposes, even though I’m pretty sure there are multiple towns and cities that share its name.
I come making Build-A-Bears at the mall.
I’m pretty sure I only went to Build-A-Bear once or twice as a kid. This poem is a lie.
I come from hanging out with my imaginary friends.
I come from days at Grandma’s I didn’t want to end.
I come from watching Barney, Dora, and Blue’s Clues.
Barney is horrifying but it gave us Demi Lovato so I guess it gets a pass. Dora the Explorer is quite possibly the most annoying show on the planet, but I credit it with giving me a headstart in Spanish. Spanish is the only class where I actually feel like I know what I’m doing, and I partially credit Dora for that. And of course Blue’s Clues is dope. Geez, when did “dope” become such a big part of my vocabulary?
I come from watching Disney films, the type I’d always choose.
I come from Rainbow Magic, the first series I loved to read.
Does anybody remember Rainbow Magic or am I the only one? Those books pretty much all had the same plots but I was obsessed with them. They pretty much kickstarted my love of reading, which is something I’m always going to be grateful for.
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| Some book covers, so you know what I'm talking about, hahaha. Ironically, I don't think I've read any of these books. Guessing they came out after my time? |
If you want a good adulthood, a good childhood is what you need.
Ok, that’s not true. Many people who live great adult lives had horrible childhoods. For example, I read somewhere that Rihanna grew up with a crack-addict father and would get really severe headaches from the fighting between her parents. Now she’s one of the most famous women on the planet and is living the life most of us dream of. See Sixth-Grade Stellar, your statement is wrong. And besides, you’re like ten. How do you know what a great adulthood is?
I’m The Girl…
Here we go. This is the big one, the one I have by far the most to say about. This is my free verse poem and when I wrote it, I thought it was so beautiful, emotional, and meaningful. Hell, it even made my teacher cry! Rereading it now, I realize that it is one of, if not the, most cringeworthy and pretentious things I have ever written. Let’s just get this garbage over with.
I’m the girl who loves Disney movies like no other kid my age,
the girl with the severe addiction to all things Harry Potter,
the girl who spends more time on YouTube than she should.
Look at me! I’m SO unique because I like Disney movies, Harry Potter, and YouTube! I am the ONLY one who has these interests! I’m so quirky and original! Gag me.
I’m the girl with a perfect alternate reality planned out in my brain,
the girl who doesn’t want to grow up,
the girl who will defend the things she loves and believes in at any risk.
I am me.
Sixth-Grade Stellar, growing up is good. Yeah, real responsibilities suck, but as you get older, you have more opportunities to do awesome things. I’ve matured so much from back then, but it’s for the better.
If you’re looking for the girl who is a star athlete,
the girl who lives for being outdoors,
Indirectly shading people in your class who aren’t even that bad! Good job, Stellar!
the girl who looks incomparable all the time,
the girl who’s had around forty boyfriends in three years,
Slut-shaming? This is DESPICABLE, Sixth-Grade Stellar. I’m a feminist, and I believe that there are a lot worse things a woman can do than have “forty boyfriends in three years”. The only way I can see this being a problem is if somebody in the relationship is abusive, be it physically, sexually, emotionally, whatever. I am completely willing to talk about the double standards our society has where a man who has numerous girlfriends is a “superstud playa”, while a woman who is sexually active is a “slut” and a “bad role model”. I feel these double standards are completely abhorrent, and the fact that I would endorse them at any point in time is disgusting.
the stereotypical flawless popular girl,
keep looking,
because I’m not the girl for you.
Actually no, stop looking. The “stereotypical flawless popular girl” does not exist in real life. She exists in crappy teen dramas and nowhere else. I can guarantee that girls who appear to be like this are not that glamourous. Oftentimes, they struggle to deal with the high expectations of perfection put on them by society, and these high standards can lead to mental disorders like anxiety or depression. What you see on the outside isn’t always true, and don’t believe everything you see in the media.
But I am me.
And that’s what matters most.
This best sums up my big problem with the poem: how above-it-all the whole thing seems to be. Yeah, the whole message is “I’m not perfect, but I’m me” but there’s an underlying tone of “I’m so much better than the perfect popular girl! I’m REAL and AUTHENTIC and she’s fake!” It’s extremely elitist, like the people who claim stuff like “Real music uses instruments and has meaning and actually takes talent, unlike that Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj crap! I only listen to REAL music like The Beatles and Queen!” (Side note: I don't have anything against either of those bands, they're just always the two I see in "New Music Isn't As Good As Old Music" memes.) We’ve all seen people like that, who act like their opinions make them a superior person when it really doesn’t. Like whatever you want, but don’t be a jerk about it. My poem has the same pompous air as people who make statements like that, and it’s not how I feel now. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, and this post solely exists to prove to myself that I’m not above-it-all.
OK, so ignoring the fact that it’s complete garbage, let’s remember that “I’m The Girl” is supposed to be the big emotional statement of this whole thing. It’s supposed to be all deep and meaningful and very serious. So how do I follow up this big, serious statement up? A limerick, which is literally defined as “a humorous, often bawdy poem…” Talk about mood whiplash.
Don’t Be A Bob!
There once was a young man named Bob.
He wanted to get a good job.
So he chopped down a tree.
It killed a wee bee.
His boss said, “Your brain is a blob.”
I don't have anything to say, this is just pathetic. I’m pretty sure I wrote this in fifth grade but I thought it was so hilarious I just had to put it in my sixth-grade collection. Why?
The last poem doesn’t have a title. This one is just me describing myself, not much else to it. I wrote an original version of it in fourth grade, but I completely rewrote it for the poetry book. It begins and ends with my real name, so I’m changing it those, obviously.
(Stellar)
Caring, intelligent, bubbly
I’m not “bubbly”. I’ve always been pretty shy and kept to myself. I’m definitely not bubbly (which is defined as “(of a person) full of cheerful high spirits” now. I’m an overly emotional ball of angst and negativity. It might not seem like that just from my writing, but anyone who knows me well can tell you that I am.
Wishes to make Honor Roll in high school
I’m in high school now, and I think I’m on honor roll? My school doesn’t outright tell you things like that. Or anything, for that matter.
Wants to get more involved in acting and singing
lol i can’t sing
Who needs her friends and family
Yeah, and I also need attention from those friends and family. I’m an attention whore, plain and simple.
Who wants a larger house
Who fears death
Who dreams of being an actress or singer
Isn’t this like, the exact same thing I said before?
Who believes in God and Jesus
I’d prefer to not get into topics of religion on my blog, but I’m just going to leave this here:
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| Never change, Bieber. |
Who loves her family and friends
Once again, isn’t this the exact same thing I said before?
Who loves books and the Internet
Who plans on going to Florida someday
I haven’t done this yet. Will I go to Florida at some point? Hopefully. I’d just love to travel more, period.
(in Neverland)
Well, that’s the end of my horrible poetry collection. I actually had quite a bit of fun writing this, and I feel like it lets you get to know me better than any other post on here. Next week will be more Stellar Adventures...I think. It’s probably gonna change. That’s all for this week. Tune in next Wednesday for more. I’m Stellar in Neverland signing out. Peace!
Stellar
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