The Stellar Adventures of Catalina in Neverland #1- The Assembly

Hi, I'm Stellar, and welcome to Stellar in Neverland. The intro for this one is going to be relatively short for once, mainly because I just really want to get started with the rest of the post! In the preamble of last week's post, I mentioned that I wanted to start writing a series of short stories called The Stellar Adventures of Catalina in Neverland, but I didn't know exactly when I would start. Well, it turns out that I decided to start them right after that post! The series is an alternate universe of my life, and basically what would happen if my life were on steroids. The characters are mostly inspired by people I know in real life, with Catalina (my Bitmoji and the "face" of my blog) being a slightly altered version of myself. However, the events that happen to them, as you'll see, are weirder than anything that happens in my life. This one is inspired by a daydream I had in class one day that I personally thought was hilarious, so I decided to write a story about it. I don't have a schedule planned for when I'll write The Stellar Adventures of Catalina in Neverland. It will probably just come whenever I get ideas for it. So with that being said, I present to you: The Assembly.

Think of this as the cover artwork if this were a book. 

It was just another Friday morning at Neverland High School. Other than the fact that all of the students were exhausted due to the insane amount of tests our teachers decided to throw at us the previous two days, it was completely expected. Personally, I was just anxious to get the hell out of there. My name is Catalina Lily Taylor, I'm sixteen years old, and I live in a town that is literally named after the fictional location in Peter Pan where children go to avoid growing up. I like to think my hometown is pretty normal, but the fact that it is a town called Neverland proves otherwise. I'm a sophomore at Neverland High School, and it's not horrible as far as high schools go unless we're talking about biology. I like most of my teachers, I get good grades, I have the best best friends known to man, and nothing really embarrassing or out-of-the-ordinary happens here. Until today.

My best friends are Penelope Schuyler, who is best known for being a New York Times-bestselling author at the ripe old age of 16, and William Mason, who is not a bestselling author but is still pretty cool nonetheless. We have gym class first hour, and we were all waiting for class to start. We talked for a little bit about how awful testing was yesterday and our plans for the weekend. At 7:55, the bell rang and we all said the Pledge of Allegiance. We don't have any morning announcements, so we were shocked to hear our principal, Mr. Espinoza, continue to speak after reciting the pledge. All he said was "There will be a schoolwide assembly at 2:30 today, so please come to the gym after seventh hour."

The rest of our classmates were confused as to what the assembly could be about. When Mrs. Wallace, my gym teacher, arrived, Will asked her if she knew what the assembly was about. She told us she was just as confused as the rest of us, and she would let us know if she found out anything. We then started our regular gym class, which consisted of some working out in the cardio room before we started playing basketball. It wasn't fun, but the conversations we all had about the mystery of the assembly were.

We then went to second hour band, where the assembly was still a hot topic. I think about five kids brought it up to the entire class, and who knows how many side conversations about it went on in between songs? Mrs. Ellison, our director, was unsure about what the assembly was for, but they did tell her we didn't have to play anything for pep band. A few of my band friends looked disappointed, but most of the band (myself included) was relieved.

My third class of the day and my last before lunch is geometry with Mr. Fitzpatrick. Guess what the topic that had the class talking was? No, it wasn't actual geometry, it was the assembly. Mr. Fitzpatrick had to ask us ten times to stop talking about it, and he told us he didn't know anything about it either. He seemed sort of uneasy about the whole thing, but I just ignored it.

Rumors about what the assembly was about spread through the cafeteria like wildfire during lunch. Penelope said a few people from her biology class thought it was to educate us about teen pregnancy and Will claimed he heard from a kid in his health class whom he was not particularly fond of that the assembly was for a teacher to come out as gay. My personal favorite assembly theory was one I heard from one of the stoners whose locker happens to be near mine. She claimed it was to announce that Mr. Espinoza was retiring and Snoop Dogg would take his place as principal, as well as president of the world. None of the theories I had heard were plausible, but that one was so out there it was hysterical.

A few other classes occurred in my schedule before we got to English with Mr. Lambert. This wasn't noteworthy because we pondered about the assembly, because we'd done that in every other class. No, English was noteworthy because Mr. Lambert was the first person, other than Mr. Espinoza, who claimed to know what the assembly was about. He didn't tell us anything else about it, which irritated us immensely. Penelope asked him if he actually knew or if he was just pulling our leg. He said he did actually know, but had sworn to secrecy. This made us even more anxious to know what would happen, and it made seventh hour Spanish hell. The suspense of knowing we had one more hour left before all of our questions would be answered made it so nothing in Spanish was accomplished and about halfway through the hour, our teacher, Mrs. Kirk, reluctantly let us talk about it for the rest of the period.

After Spanish, the entire school rushed to the madhouse that was the gym. We were so close, yet so far to all of our answers in life (sort of) being answered. Would the assembly be something practical, or would it be ridiculous like my stoner locker neighbor claimed? Would it be worthwhile? And most importantly, did Mr. Lambert have a role in the whole thing?

Once the entire school was seated in the bleachers, a pair of giant red velvet curtains blocked out the middle of the gym so we couldn't see. This added to the confusion. Sitting between Will and Penelope, I asked them, "Don't you think giant curtains are a little over-the-top for whatever the assembly is?" Penelope nodded, then shushed me as the entire gym went pitch-black. The entire gym went silent. Suddenly, a giant, blinding spotlight appeared. Nobody said a word but we could all feel the suspense and hoped that something amazing was going to happen. Suddenly, we heard a familiar guitar intro. What guitar intro, you might ask? Why, that of "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction, a classic amongst my generation! As the song began, the curtains opened to reveal something that was both scarring and wonderful at the same time. My friends and I bust out laughing at the sight of it, and we weren't alone.

Okay, I've built up enough suspense, and I know you're biting your nails wondering what we saw. I guess I should just stop rambling and tell you. We saw Mr. Lambert, Mr. Fitzpatrick, and Mr. Herman (my geography teacher from last year) dressed in matching tracksuits doing incredibly cheesy choreography to the One Direction song. Mr. Espinoza announced them as "your new favorite boy band, H-F-L!" I cried from laughing so hard.

Mr. Fitzpatrick began singing first:
"You're insecure, don't know what for
You're turning heads when you walk through the door
Don't need makeup to cover up
Being the way that you are is enough"

"Maybe this is why Fitzpatrick was so uneasy about my class talking about the assembly!" I whispered to Will and Penelope.

Mr. Herman continued:
"Everyone else in the room can see it,
Everyone else but you"

Then, all three of them semi-harmonized in the chorus:
"Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
You don't know, oh oh, you don't know you're beautiful
If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know, you don't know you're beautiful
That's what makes you beautiful!"

Penelope and I belted along to my heart's content, as did a plethora of my classmates. I could tell Will was judging the both of us, but I didn't care. To be completely honest, it's not that the three teachers were particularly great singers, because they weren't. I'm no singing expert, but even I could tell they went off-key quite a few times, and they sounded like a group of drunken frat boys trying to sing karaoke. But it was the novelty of three of the most beloved teachers at Neverland High teaming up to sing a classically cheesy One Direction hit that made it worthwhile. 

They ended "What Makes You Beautiful" after the first chorus. They then transitioned to "Drag Me Down", my six-year-old brother Lennon's favorite One Direction song. I pulled my phone out of my pocket so I could film it for him.

Lambert began the song, singing:
"I've got fire for a heart, I'm not scared of the dark
You've never seen it look so easy
I got a river for a soul, and baby you're a boat
Baby, you're my only reason"

Fitzpatrick then sang the prechorus:
"If I didn't have you there would be nothing left
The shell of a man who could never be his best
If I didn't have you, I'd never see the sun
You taught me how to be someone, yeah"

After that, they all attempted to harmonize for the chorus:
"All my life, you stood by me
When no one else was ever behind me
All these lights, they can't blind me
With your love, nobody can drag me down
All my life, you stood by me
When no one else was ever behind me
All these lights, they can't blind me
With your love, nobody can drag me down
(Nobody, nobody)
​Nobody can drag me down​
(Nobody, nobody)
​Nobody can drag me down​"

This one was funny because of Herman awkwardly singing the "Nobody, nobody" in the chorus. After the chorus, he cheerily announced, "Okay, now we're gonna slow things down. Get close to your boyfriend or girlfriend, if you have one!" Everybody laughed. You could really tell that none of the teachers in the boy band were taking themselves seriously, making the concert´s atmosphere feel warm and inviting. It also made me not feel bad about laughing at my teachers´ bad singing.

Next on their setlist was "Story of My Life", one of One Direction's ballads and a song that my mom has always loved. I decided to continue filming the performance for her sake.

Herman began the first verse:
"Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain
I leave my heart open
But it stays right here empty for days"

Then Fitzpatrick took over:
"She told me in the morning
She don't feel the same about us in her bones
It seems to me that when I die
These words will be written on my stone"

Lambert did the prechorus:
"And I'll be gone, gone tonight
The ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I've been holding on too tight
With nothing in between"

The chorus was next, and they did it in unison once again. The harmonies in this one were particularly embarrassing, making them very amusing.
"The story of my life
I take her home
I drive all night
To keep her warm
And time is frozen
The story of my life
I give her hope
I spend her love
Until she's broken inside
The story of my life"

"Okay, now we're doing another throwback. Get excited," Fitzpatrick said, significantly less enthusiastic than Herman was during his introduction. The throwback in question was "Live While We're Young", which Fitzpatrick began, singing:
"Hey girl, I'm waiting on you, I'm waiting on you
Come on and let me sneak you out
And have a celebration, a celebration
The music up, the window's down"

Herman took the prechorus:
"Yeah, we'll be doing what we do
Just pretending that we're cool and we know it too
Yeah, we'll keep doing what we do
Just pretending that we're cool, so tonight"

My phone battery was almost dead so I decided to stop filming after the third song, but the hilariously bad choreography during "Live While We're Young" made me regret that decision. They tried to harmonize for the chorus, but the horrible dancing they were doing made it hard for them to sing, so they mumbled for part of it and belted the other parts. I think Lambert tripped at one point, but I'm pretty sure it was on purpose. It sounded more like: 
"LET'S GO CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY tilweseethesun
Iknowweonlymet BUT LET'S PRETEND IT'S LOVE
Andnevernever NEVER STOP FOR ANYONE
TONIGHT LET'S GET SOME andlivewhilewe'reyoung
And live while we're young
Tonight let's get some
And live while we're young"

"Okay, this is our final song so MAKE SOME NOISE!" Lambert yelled, keeping the energy up. They ended with "Best Song Ever", one of my favorite songs by any artist, believe it or not. Because of my love of this song, I decided to risk my battery and film it. They didn't do any of the verses, just going straight to the bridge, which they awkwardly took turns singing:
(Herman) "You know, I know, you know I'll remember you
And I know, you know, I know you'll remember me"
(Fitzpatrick) "And you know, I know, you know I'll remember you
And I know, you know, I hope you'll remember how we danced, how we danced"

(Lambert, screaming) "1, 2 - 1, 2, 3!"

They screamed the final chorus in unison. In the original song, band member Zayn Malik does this one really high note during the final repetition of "best song ever". Herman attempted to sing the high note in our version...key word being "attempted", because it was not pretty.

"How we danced all night to the best song ever
We knew every line now I can't remember
How it goes but I know that I won't forget her
Cause we danced all night to the best song ever
And we danced all night to the best song ever
We knew every line now I can't remember
How it goes but I know that I won't forget her
Cause we danced all night to the best song ever
I think it went oh, oh, oh
I think it went yeah, yeah, yeah
I think it goes"

After the failure of his high note, Herman sang the outro of the song solemnly and all by himself:

"Best song ever
It was the best song ever
It was the best song ever
It was the best song ever"

After the hilarious concert, the three teachers took a bow while the entirety of the student body and their fellow teachers gave them standing ovations. As if their performance wasn't hilarious enough, they performed a short skit afterwards that made me laugh until I couldn't breathe. 

Fitzpatrick: "Great show, you guys!"

Lambert: "Except for the end when Herman messed up on his high note!"

Fitzpatrick: "Herman, you're out of the band!"

Herman: "Hey, at least I didn't fall on my rear end like an idiot, unlike some people. (pretends to cough) LAMBERT (pretends to cough)"

Fitzpatrick: "Good point. Lambert, you're out of the band too. So now it's just me. Except I resign. Goodbye."

The entire assembly was probably the funniest thing I had ever seen. It was worth an entire day of suspense and craziness from not knowing what the assembly was about. Hell, I'd argue the suspense made it even more worth it! My school can be pretty weird sometimes, and while sometimes it's in a bad way, it's mostly in a good way. The assembly was amazing...but I'm going to struggle to see Fitzpatrick, Herman, or Lambert in any other way afterwards. But that's just me. Anyways, I have somewhere I need to be, so I'll see you next time for more laughs. Catalina out. 

The End

So there you go, the first edition of The Stellar Adventures of Catalina in Neverland is here. I'm excited to write more of this series, even if I don't know when the next installment will come out. I see a lot of potential for laughter in it. Next week's post will be the sixth edition of First Impressions, and then the week after I have a really special post planned for you guys...but that's all I'm saying! I'm Stellar in Neverland, signing off, and I'll see you next Wednesday. Peace!

Stellar